50, A Feathered Friend, and All the Feels

A rare departure away from recipes & into my personal life. Thoughts & feelings on a milestone birthday, & introducing Bertie!

I’ve been thinking about sharing something like this for quite some time, and today it’s really feeling like the right moment.

Two weeks ago today I turned 50(!). I know, it sounds so olddddd! I kinda can’t believe it. But if I’m being completely honest, I’m thrilled.

After a little time adjusting to the idea, I can honestly say I think this could be the start of the best decade of my life.

Table of Contents

• Reflecting on the past
• A Major Life Transition
• Finding joy
• Bertie the birdie
• Why am I telling you all this?

Reflecting on the past

When I look back over the last few decades, there were some really happy times. I’ve been blessed to have been born in the United States, to two parents who loved me with all their hearts. They may not have had a ton to give but they showered me with love.

As I moved into young adulthood, things got a little tougher, as is often the case. There were traumas, I struck out on my own at a young age, and found it challenging but so fulfilling, living independently and starting my career.

If you’ve followed me for a long time you may know that I worked as an architect designing homes for many years before taking a short leave to start a family. It was after this time that I had to pivot and create a new job for myself when the mortgage crisis around 2010 robbed me of my position as a residential architectural designer and project manager.

So there I was, with 2 babies in diapers, creating this website and navigating the world of web publishing. It was a slow, uphill climb.

And when I reflect back, I can say that even though I was blessed with a beautiful home and 2 healthy, energetic, and lovable boys, my 30’s and 40’s were a time of intense self-doubt, shame, loss, loneliness, struggle, sacrifice, confusion, physical pain, and sadness.

I blame no one for this. It was merely part of my story and I work every day to embrace it and hold it close to my heart as I do every other aspect of my life.

A Major Life Transition

As a mom of elementary-schoolers, I was able to meet some wonderful friends through our school system. These women and men made me feel accepted and supported in a way that I had never before experienced. I’m especially looking at you, Christina, Robyn, Kristy, Melissa, and Kelly. You know who you are and I want you to know that the impact you have made on me is nothing short of life-changing.

Knowing them made it impossible for me to ignore just how out of alignment the life I was living was with my true values, and they held my hand through one of the most difficult and terrifying life changes I had ever undertaken.

You may or may not have noticed that this site went almost completely silent starting in 2020, and stayed that way (with a few false starts) until 2023.

I was divorced, and every ounce of energy I had was needed to heal from this.

My world was rocked to its core. My whole identity had been tied up in being a wife to my husband, and I did not know how to possibly move forward. Every morning I would wake up knowing that I had to continue posting recipes here, in order to financially support myself and my children, but I just couldn’t do it.

I’d go to bed every night thinking “tomorrow.” But the cycle would just repeat again and again, for almost 3 years.

Finding joy

Time does heal.

At first, I needed sleep. I would nap for hours every day, and made up the deficit that years of crying babies, 70+ hour work weeks, and anxious, sleepless nights had created.

Then, I needed to see to my children’s mental health. Not gonna lie, divorce is hard on kids. Even though all the experts will tell you they’re resilient, we’ve had significant bumps in the road and scary crises. This is ongoing, but as they grow I think together we are learning the right tools to help cope.

I also needed to get my house in order. Again, neglect had created a backlog of repairs, maintenance, and organization projects that I needed to see to to make this home (which I’d had to buy back from my ex) feel truly mine and not like I was living in chaos.

During this time, I found love. And once again I’m welling up just as I did when talking about my dear friends.

The right people, my dearest readers. They are everything. Find the ones who understand you. Who accept you in spite of your flaws. Who unselfishly want the best for you above all else.

This is what can turn it all around.

And without wanting to jinx anything, I think I can finally say I’m in a good place and will hopefully be able to continue giving you delicious, beautiful, and useful recipes here (on a more regular basis!) for at least a few more years to come.

Bertie the birdie

For this most recent birthday, my significant other gifted me a pet.

We will never marry. I will not go down that path again. I’m too scarred. And it’s not for him either.

Our respective homes are a bit of a distance apart, but we make it a priority to have together time at least once a week and often more than that. Family ties keep us rooted where we’re at, and although we’d love to have daily time together it’s just not possible right now. But working from home can make me feel a little isolated and lonely at times.

My older son suffers from dander allergies so a dog or cat has always been out of the question. But I inherited a love for birds from my late father, and have always loved spending time watching the wild birds that visit the feeders and fountains I leave out for them in my beautiful backyard.

And now thanks to Seth I have Bert to keep me company.

He or she (I’ll find out in about a week thanks to a little DNA test) is a pineapple green-cheeked conure parrot, and an absolute delight. The little merps, chirps, and joyful cries fill those silent spaces, her love of under-my-chin nuzzles and head & neck scratches, soft-as-down feathers, and wool-and-whole wheat-toast smell make my heart swell. She’s always on my shoulder or right nearby. My little bestie and constant companion.

My hope is to share little bits and pieces of our life together every so often, so keep your eyes open here as well as on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube.

Why am I telling you all this?

I realize this update isn’t for everyone. There are a lot of transactional visits to this site: Someone searches for something online and it leads them here. They get the answer they wanted and they’re out.

But I do have some loyal followers who have noticed the long absence and inquired with concern. I’m so grateful to them and I feel like they deserve an explanation, late as it does come.

I’m also putting this out there with the hope that someone can benefit. As a reassurance that as many pitfalls as life can have, you should never give up.

It is possible to find self-acceptance and even joy, but it will most likely require a lot of time, grace, healing, very intentional self-reflection, an open heart, and maybe even some really scary choices. I’m here to tell you that it’s happened for me, so it can happen for you too.

Even if you’re older than you can believe!